


The Dragoness' Den

by jprongs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Background Relationships, Gen, Marauders' Era, Short One Shot, Strippers & Strip Clubs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-20 22:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6027853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jprongs/pseuds/jprongs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James, Sirius, and Peter go to a strip club. Do I honestly need to say more?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Dragoness' Den

Even as August was coming to a close before their seventh year, James Potter knew that they had to celebrate in some kind of new, grown-up style. It was necessary. Sirius had moped all summer and he was simply sick of hearing about it. Plus, Remus had been busy with his father in a few different countries doing Merlin knew what and wasn’t back until next week - but he hadn’t even written much. James was well aware why, but didn’t dare bring it up, not before tonight. And Peter… Peter would be wetting himself within the first half hour - well, maybe wetting himself was the wrong verbiage. 

He heard the sticks and brush crunch as their shorter, plumper friend wandered into the garage. James was tossing his snitch around, procrastinating trimming the bristles of his broom while Sirius was on his back, covered in motor oil and petrol underneath his two-man death trap. 

“Oi, lads!” Peter smiled from peeky red ear to peeky red ear, bright blonde hair parted neatly down the middle with a bit of curl at the end, which gave him the facade of childlike innocence. Really he was just a gluttonous twat who’d somehow managed to not only pull Mary MacDonald, but keep her around as more than just a bit on the side.

“Wormtail, mate, surprised you’re walking straight!” James greeted him with his normal measure. Immediately going for insult to confuse and then let Sirius attempt to figure out the meaning well before Peter even got the joke.

It worked because he could hear Sirius snort from behind the front wheel of the bike, before he sat up, wiping the oil across his face accidentally. James figured he’d let Sirius figure that out on his own. “So did you finish early or has MacDonald used you up like a Galleon Girl?” He winked over to him, but it was obviously going over his head. “Or, since you have an apparent lack of speech, maybe she just rode you hard and put you away wet, huh, y’ drowned rat!”

James nearly fell off of the workbench he’d been laying back on, choking on a piece of peppermint fudge. “Is your tongue numb, ickle Wormy?” He made a vulgar motion with his own tongue, which caused Peter to push him off the bench and he rolled onto the floor of the garage sniggering.

As he was holding his ribs from laughing at Peter’s red-faced expression, Sirius wiped his hands off with a cloth and then stretched. “The important question, you ever-flustered little vermin, is do you have the necessary preparations?”

Peter glared and rolled his eyes. “At least I actually got some. You two have probably been too busy sitting on your hands to have a wank while I’ve been sneaking off behind Mary’s parents shed to have a shag. Fucking jealous bastards.” Then he tossed a brown paper bag over at James’ chest. “Yes, you ungrateful gits, I have the bloody things. Why in the hell did I have to get them?”

“Because neither of us have muggle family who have the sodding originals. Don’t be a prat, Peter. We’re only joking. Maybe after tonight you’ll forget about Mary anyway.” More like she’d forget Peter well before he’d let his grubby hands lose grasp of her hand between classes and every second he got. They were disgusting - hence why even Lily Evans made gagging motions behind their back. Sometimes it was hard to tell where Peter’s face stopped and Mary’s began with their incessant snogging everywhere and anywhere they could manage.

They were there, all four of them, even though Remus wouldn’t be making use of his tonight - maybe over Christmas holidays though. James hoped at least. 

“Oi, these aren’t our names!”

Peter grinned, “That was the fun part. I thought up some brilliant aliases for us.”

Sirius was now intrigued and looked over James’ shoulder at four small plastic ID cards. “Who in Merlin’s name is Evan McPrattish?” He scoffed, “James doesn’t even look like an Evan! Oh, I get it. That’s actually funny.”

“Moony’ll like his though, bloody smart git he is. Romulus Speare.” James smiled, actually kind of enjoying his. “Oh for fuck’s sake, Sirius! You’re Randall Shagbark!” He was ready to pee himself. “RANDY SHAGBARK!” James couldn’t stop laughing as Sirius snatched it out of his hands.

“That’s fucked up, Wormtail, even for you!” Sirius moaned, trying not to laugh. “What muggle idiot is going to believe these names? What’s yours say? Jack Tetley? You named yourself after bloody tea?!” Sirius scoffed. “And you can’t pass for a Jack. Jacks don’t wear brown shoes with a black belt.”

Armed with fake plastic picture cards and their most muggle-looking attire, provided by Peter, of course, the three of them managed to get into The Dragoness’ Den. It was a small, cramped, hole in the wall at the back of a muggle industrial park. Evan, Randy, and Jack were celebrating Jack’s nineteenth birthday according to his card. Poor “Jack” had a leopard print  piece of fabric attached to the pocket of his shirt ‘to let the girls know to pay him extra birthday attention’. He looked mortified, but Sirius was ready to die laughing.

Now that they were sitting at the three stools at the far corner from the large, hard-looking muggle at the door, with muggle money in hand - also courtesy of Peter - they anxiously awaited. Sirius looked calm as anything, studying the writing on the sign that said not to touch the stage. Peter was going green with nerves, muttering about how angry Mary was going to be at him and he can’t get special attention, and that he was only doing this to cheer up Sirius.

Strange music came on, something Peter seemed to know as he stopped babbling under his breath to mouth the words. “And please welcome Violet! Show her your love with your wallets, lads!” the speakers directly above them announced.

At the sight of her, James had to slap Peter’s arm to get him to close his mouth, while actively trying to remember not to drool himself. Scantily clad in a very, very short satiny robe, the woman prancing onto the stage in some of the strangest shoes James Potter had ever seen, didn’t seem phased at all that a bunch of grimy, dirty muggle men and three underaged wizards were intently staring at her. 

Violet walked over to the man across from them as he threw a note onto the stage. Even with her back to them as she danced, he could tell she was pulling the tie on her black robe. Based on the men’s faces on that side, it was definitely worth the money they were holding. And then when she bent down, James stomach flipped.

Sirius idly threw one of his notes onto the stage, almost unphased. When she turned to them, she rolled her head around, throwing long blonde hair every which way. He didn’t know why, but that he definitely liked and he threw one towards her. Violet had seen Sirius though, and like so many women before her had been tricked by his charm. She got down on her knees, waist eyelevel with him, and let the robe fall. Sirius winked at her and held up a note, which she pulled towards her, slipping into the waistband of her panties.

Why on Earth had they not done this before? It was brilliant!

As she saw the fabric on Peter’s shirt, she crawled over to him and based on his reaction, he was pretty sure that Peter had eyefucked her until he was involuntarily satisfied. By the end of her dance, James’ eyes were wide with the promise of the night, Peter was red as a beet, and Sirius looked unphased. 

**Author's Note:**

> As promised, here is the mildly hilarious strip club one shot. Hopefully you enjoyed as I don't typically write many short fics. Please comment, review, ect! And as always, follow my tumblr: jprongsx!


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